Io Morrò Ma Lieto in Core
by romanos-spandex
Summary: ventfic. i get sad a lot. from lovino's POV, telling on what happens throughout his brother's life. slight role reversal and possible OOC because of it, entschuldigen. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH! SUICIDE! CUTTING! ANOREXIA! SELF-HATE! WARNING!


_Io Morrò Ma Lieto in Core_ - 'I Will Die Glad in My Heart' is an Italian Aria (a song from an opera) that comes from Act IV, scene two of _Don Carlos_ by Giuseppe Verdi. Io Morrò Ma Lieto in Core is a baritone octave song sung by the character Rodrigo (Marquis of Posa). A shadowy figure appears and shoots Rodrigo in the chest. As he dies, Rodrigo tells Carlos (Heir to the Spanish Throne) that Elisabeth (a French princess initially betrothed to Don Carlos but then married to King Philip) will meet him at Saint-Just the following day. He adds that he is content to die if his friend can save Flanders and rule over a happier Spain ("Io morrò, ma lieto in core"). At that moment, Philip (the King of Spain, son of Charles V and father of Don Carlos) enters, offering his son freedom. Carlos repulses him for having murdered Rodrigo. The King has not noticed that Rodrigo is dead and cries out in sorrow.

* * *

Originally, nothing was wrong with Feliciano that anyone else could tell. They had always assumed it was because he was no longer the favoured one in a slight and sudden change of heart, something which was quite common with him. I knew right away though- his overall spirit had changed and he'd been avoiding Romeo and myself more and more. It was a painful while getting used to the thought of my own brother ignoring me instead of the other way around, but Kiku had assured me it was normal for him to change frequently in moods in attitudes.

It was another month before someone else, that someone being Antonio, noticed something was really wrong. He'd noticed that Feli wasn't getting out as much as he used to, and he saw me more than anyone else. Isabella was beginning to worry about him too, the moment Toni told her, and she made her brother come with her to visit our home. Now, hence Feliciano hadn't been leaving his room, I hadn't seen him either, and I had assumed he'd been sneaking out at night when myself and Romeo were asleep. I was, of course, wrong. When I'd opened the door to see what had happened to him, the sound I made was nothing less than astonishment.

Feliciano was the first one to make a sound though, letting out a small gasp and hiding himself under his bed, "L-lovi...please, I need to be left alone..."

"That's the exact opposite of what you need!" I flipped the lights on in his room, and let out another gasp; the small light-red room was in shambles and almost everything was thrown astray. Once more, Feli let out a pitiful noise, burying his malnourished frame under his blankets.

It was another few hours of convincing and promises before I got him out of his room. Bella and Toni were napping on my couch and Tim was wide awake, his eyes full of sympathy and concern as he saw Feliciano (who was still wrapped up in his blankets). He stood up slowly and put both arms around Feli, which was a rare sight for anyone to see, and then nodded to me as if to say 'it'll be okay'.

At least ten people come to see Feli every day now, and I've gotten used to the Beilschmidts practically living here now. Gilbert's been more serious than ever, and he sleeps outside of my brother's room at night. Ludwig...well, we're all concerned about him. He's been keeping his distance from Feliciano now, as if he's scared to hurt him. I know in my heart that it's not his fault, no matter how much I want it to be his so I have a reason for my brother to stop being so clingy. But, at the same time, I have a feeling I did something wrong. I don't think I ever mistreated him...did I? Oh god, it had to be me...I'm such an idiot! I just...need to think for awhile I guess.

* * *

It's been another two weeks, his condition hasn't improved, but worsened. He still hasn't left his room, and I think I heard him crying the other night. I went in to check up on him while he was sleeping, and found...oh god...I can't even begin to describe the second I saw blood on his carpet and blanket. I moved some things around where there was blood and...I started crying...I couldn't believe that my happy go lucky brother could ever think of hurting himself it was just...impossible for me to understand. He must have heard me because the next thing I knew there was a very light hand on my shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry..." I mumbled out, "I know I've been a shitty brother, but...I can't bare to see you like this- it hurts too much."

I felt shaky breath on my neck, "it's not you Lovi, I promise, I've just...I don't really know..."

I shook my head once more, just wanting it to be my problem so I could fix it- it would be easier that way. Problems I cause can be fixed, much like everything else I try to do has to be fixed. Everything I do is wrong, if anyone deserves to be like this it's me, not Feli.

"L-Lovi, you've been sitting there for half an hour," Feliciano's voice was a smooth awakening from my pained thoughts, "let's go get something to eat, okay?"

I nodded the best I could, standing up once more and helping support my weakened brother.

* * *

I waited a few more days before asking anything more on why this was happening, waiting for him to come to me willingly.

That's when he broke down.

Feliciano cried loudly, mumbling nonsense in our native tongue of Italian, as he rolled up his sleeves to expose dark and deep cuts on both wrists, then pulled up his sweatshirt to show his bony and cut torso. I found myself crying as well holding onto my brother for dear life, and as if nothing else mattered. Everyone had stopped visiting, assuming that it was for the best for just us to sort it out, but even Romeo had left to live with Isabella and Tim for as long as he could. Feliciano had thought I was planning on leaving as well, and he'd begun to blame himself once again, which also caused the rampages on his own body to become more often and more violent. I had also begun to have these fits of violence, but only mentally, not physically, hence I thought this entire mess was my fault. Soon enough though, both of us had slowed down our life forces for almost anything and we had ended up in some post-mortem like rotting state.

But, this was not the case for long.

I knew better than to let myself be like this for too long, and I had decided to leave our small and empty house to seek help from anyone. Little did I know, this would result in me staying at Antonio's for a week straight, and regaining myself before becoming completely aware of the state I had left Feliciano in. I went into a full-out panic attack; begging Toni to take me home, but he said no and left me with Bella and Tim.

It was another two days before we heard from Antonio, and when we did it was because myself and Tim had broken into my own home.

I was once again devastated at the sight of my home - not because it was torn to pieces, no, but because everything was...perfect. This scared me more. Tim and I found Antonio on the floor outside of Feliciano's room, there were dried tears on his face and he was shaking slightly. Letting Tim take care of him, I took in a deep breath before opening the old red door into Feli's room.

How.

That's all I could think the second I saw him.

How could he get so far gone.

There was one piece of paper on the floor in front of him.

_Lovino, ascolta, nostra madre vi aspetta a richiesta San Giusto; tutto quello che sa..._

_La terra...mi manca la mia Lovi, tengo fuori man!_

_Quando morirò, ma felice nel nucleo, in modo che potessi serbar il mondo, un salvatore!_

_Dimentichimi non!_

_Si doveva regnare, e muoio per te._

_Morirò, ma felice nel nucleo, in modo che potessi serbar._

_La terra ... mi manca la tua mano a me...a me ... salvare il popolo..._

_Lovino, addio!_

Feliciano's still body lay silent and motionless, dried blood in his hair and a bullet wound in between his eyes.

He was smiling.

And I felt the overwhelming need to smile back.


End file.
